“Used to think that life was sweet. Used to think we were so complete. It’s so funny how we don’t talk anymore… it’s so funny how we don’t talk anymore…”
For those of you old enough to remember (I barely am) these are the lyrics from the Cliff Richard hit ‘We Don’t Talk Anymore’ which was released in 1981. The complete lyrics describe the situation between many couples when their relationship breaks down. If only they had been able to deal with things whilst they were in love and did talk – they could have saved themselves from the emotional and financial pain that inevitably results from a relationship breakdown.
So what are the conversations you should be having when you are still talking?
Deed of Trust
Buying a house together when unmarried and one is putting in more money than the other – sometimes one party puts the settlement received from the breakdown of a previous relationship into a new property. You want to be able to protect the investment you made. A deed of trust records who owns what and if the relationship ends then it is clear who receives what. By entering into a Deed of Trust it doesn’t mean that you assume the relationship will breakdown and there is no trust between you. What it does show, is that you are sensible enough to have worked out what is fair if you were ever to separate – and it won’t matter that you don’t talk anymore!
Cohabitation Agreement
Like a Deed of Trust, which sets out divisions of property, this also sets out who pays what in respect of the outgoings, mortgage, bills etc. and how individual contributions can be treated. It is always wise when entering into a Deed of Trust to also have a Cohabitation agreement. To do both will mean no lengthy legal correspondence between the parties’ solicitors to try and resolve matters outside of Court as to who should get what because one party paid for the cost of the extension, new bathroom, and redecoration and so on when the parties don’t talk anymore!
Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements
Why have one? You love each other – what’s mine is yours and vice versa. “It’s like getting a divorce before the need for one” said my very good friend who was got married 9 years ago, “and who would do that when they are about to declare their love to each other before their nearest and dearest?”
“Those like you who have amassed a great deal of wealth prior to their marriage and should seek to protect it should anything go wrong.”
“Nothing will go wrong” he said “I am in love and we will be together till death do us part.”
Sadly I reminded him of this conversation when he came to see me about a divorce a few weeks ago. The fact he now has to include all his assets when disclosing his financial position is of great distress to him.
“See if you can try and resolve this between you to save legal costs.” To which he responded “It’s too late – we don’t talk anymore!”
Wills
This is a must for everyone regardless of whether you are married or cohabiting. Wrongly believing you don’t need to make a Will could mean the person you love will end up with nothing, or the person you no longer love will end up with it all. What a tragedy it would be to assume that your family will get everything, when by making a simple will you can actually ensure they do. I can’t tell you many times have I heard, when asking if a couple have made provision for their family by making a Will, “No we never really talked about it!”
So don’t wait until you don’t talk anymore, and come and see me to make sure that if you get to the stage where you don’t talk anymore it doesn’t matter, because you dealt with your affairs when you did.
Get in touch with me, fully qualified and experienced Matrimonial solicitor Priti Mayor, on 01702 238509 or 24/7 on 03300 585 222 . I offer a free initial consultation at any of the BTMK offices across Essex and London.
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